Punishment/Consequence                                                                              

As people are moving away from the mode of punishment as a consequence for a person’s action, I’ve heard the term “consequence” used to describe what is, in effect a punishment.  Punishment is a non-negotiable demand that is put on someone for a choice they made.
“They have to be punished!”
“There are consequences!”

Consider:

UNDERSTANDING can be the consequence of listening.
ENGAGE in communication that’s explorative rather
than accusatory, assumptive or insisting.

From a place of understanding, no further “explanation” is needed.
  
Trust that they’ll get it and have gained much by being in mutual exploration.
When a person feels scared that the person they are talking to is interested in finding out what’s “wrong” and what the consequences will be they are likely to be in a mode to protect their every move.  Their life. “Truth” has nothing on Life in that moment.
And, certainly then, you are of little consequence.  How about creating a bridge where we experience each other fully.  Do you believe that we are capable and have tools to use to create a safe environment for such exploration?

If what we really want to cultivate are relationships and a encourage deep personal understanding of how our choices make a difference in people’s lives, I suggest there can be great satisfaction and growth in mutual sharing of how we feel (when so and so did thus and such) what we need, and making connecting requests (such as following thru in agreements/rules- that are in place to meet certain needs).  I don’t believe that anyone showed up in this school, job, family or this life to be punished.  It’s a technique that we’ve learned to create a certain order. 

I encourage you to try something different.  Stick your neck out and be heard, as a human.  Listen and enjoy.  Request and be available for authentic, honest communication.

Introspection:  are you listening to eventually hear that you’re “right” or have the final say-so?

Ever wonder WHY he/she just said THAT?
And, HOW can I possibly get him/her to UNDERSTAND?
 
Or, do you want some skills to PREVENT miscommunication, unnecessary anger,
doubt and worry?
 
Sure, everything is fine.  
Till it's not and you're stuck with the same way of communication and habits passed on for centuries.  That stuff doesn't just go away.
 
Let's start to UNLEARN the teachings of WAR---the blame, shame, guilt and judgment that keep us disconnected from life and the joy of contributing to each other's needs.

Any demands that are made (or heard) keep us disconnected from our desire to meet each others needs.  How is it that our LOVE can be communicated in a way to bring out anger, fear, shame and doubt?  When I'm deeply concerned, how can I express it compassionately?  When I'm scared and need the well being of my child, my friend, my self how can I make a clear request from the place within me that knows love and finds courage?
 
Nonviolent  (Compassionate) Communication is a process for transforming situations into understandable opportunities for collaboration.  It is a practice of focused attention with the intent of peace and fulfilling relationships.